Free, creative expression can be so intimidating. Some of my writing and journalism classes in college taught me that one of the hardest parts of being a writer is simply beginning, and I definitely know that to be true. I thought for years about how to start a blog but have found myself in the depths of anxiety and fear, trying to come up with a specific voice, audience, topic, idea, and message that would resonate with others in a positive and encouraging way. What would a blog—my blog—convey to others? What do I want to contribute to the public conversation?
I have never started something that I have thought about for so long because of fear, and that is simply unacceptable.
If you have ever taken a SoulCycle class of mine, you have probably heard me mention that fear is not worth getting in the way of living a life that you are proud of; yet here I am, day after day, teaching class after class, not writing. There are so many things in this beautiful world that I am passionate about and so many conversations that I want to instigate and participate in, but I possess both fear and acceptance of being misunderstood.
I have always admired my father’s undying respect and admiration for the written word; however, this has also caused a rift in my family because my father has major issues with his sister about the things she has published about their family. I'll be expanding on this later, but this has been another reminder of what's holding me back from publicly publishing my personal opinions and experiences. We all have our own interpretation of the truth, and sometimes reading someone else’s truth can be deeply hurtful.
The truth is I am afraid of hurting someone I love because of the words I use to describe our experiences together. If our opinions differ, that doesn't mean one is better or more right than the other one, it is simply the human condition to have a unique world view. One of the topics I have written about throughout my life, the topic I am most passionate about, also has the potential to hurt the feelings of someone I love, so my plan is to have an open and honest conversation with my subjects before including their stories on this page.
If nothing else, I hope that my experiences can can give courage to others to finally speak about sensitive, taboo or painful topics they have experienced; if I can provide someone with a sense of belonging that they might otherwise not have, therein lies my intention. As I’ve said in many of my SoulCycle classes, we all have a lot more in common with one another than we probably know, and no matter how hard I try to detach from my phone and the Internet, this is where the masses gather to engage in public conversation, so this platform will serve as my contribution. Better late than never, right?
January 19, 2016
And here I am, drafting my first post in my parked car outside of my apartment, on my phone…
What aspect of your creative expression are you ready to tap into? Please share your story, leave a comment and check out my SoulCycle schedule in San Francisco this week!